Chaos

"The only constant is change," Heraclitus said. It's true. Chaos visits me often, and it never knocks first. What I've learned over the years is how to live with it, and let it go.

Recently, I spent over a week playing games, slept and ate whenever, my dorm turned into a garbage dump. I hadn't played games for years, so it felt strange, almost like visiting an old self.

During it, I relearned two lessons. First, chaos feeds on desire. I kept telling myself: "I will go back to normal after the next hour." However, 'next' meant forever. My brain wants more after next game. Everyone says this, and I've lived it many times. James Clear writes about this craving loop in Atomic Habits.

Second, I've learned how to protect myself in weeks like this. Tricks like dopamine detox or walk outside help, but the key is to stay present, as Eckhart Tolle puts it in The Power of Now. In the moment, I knew this wasn't what I wanted. I still struggled, and that was okay.

Today, I found the game boring. I left my dorm and worked for a day. It wasn't great, but it's what I am supposed to do. And tonight, I think I'll sleep early. The chaos left the way it came: without knocking.